You, Me and Darkness Itself [Translated for the Mind of a Third]

Part 5 of how “us” began.

The Guardians stared at the leader, perplexed. What had the emergence of Darkness meant? All 6 Guardians assumed that coercive action was the best move; outnumber Darkness and destroy it. The Leader, God, was quick to contradict and said “leave it be”. 5 of the Guardians agreed with the leader without questioning, but one of them had not. It was our Ignotus, the lonely Sixth, the Guardian who was purposely sequestered by God. The Sixth, who I may add, Guarded “us” from Darkness in our earliest stages, had not understood God’s reasoning. If they were to retaliate, the Thirds, you and me (possibly just you), would be engulfed in a battle as catastrophic as the one before the great “slip”. However, if the Guardians and God stood back and did nothing, as The Leader planed to do, Darkness would still exist but under the illumination of The Light. Our world would be plagued predominately of peace.  But, our world today does not mirror such a reality. Not a single community in our 2, 016 year, as you would call it, resembles such as harmonious utopia. Suffering, pain, violence and death plague our societies, so how had the Darkness come to be? Remember, this is a story of “us” came to be. And the story of how you and me and the world we live in was decided through a single decision. Against the orders of God, our Sixth, our prime protector, the Ignotus, fled to the Third and confronted Darkness ……….

Thirds, if you are lost visit  Part 1, Part 2 Part 3 and Part 4

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5 thoughts on “You, Me and Darkness Itself [Translated for the Mind of a Third]

  1. Well, this is intriguing. I do love different universes, time, all that jazz.

    I also really enjoy that the narrator is obviously on a different page than the reader yet still attempting to synchronize relative perception of the plot and characters. It works to bring the reader a bit closer, immerse them by making them part of more than a story, a conversation.

    There are a couple little things that bug me. Things spellcheck didn’t catch (planed should be planned), the quotations for terms (it’s like something extra to trip over because it’s technically a misused signpost repurposed for something else; as long as your internal consistency is solid, the terms should bleed and fit right in with no disruption to the story’s immersive qualities).

    Also, since you are playing with terms people are familiar with, questioning them, looking over what they could mean in contextual language, I recommend the Oxford comma instead of the standard–no possible confusion that way. On the topic of structure: breaking some ideas and sequences into smaller paragraphs. Effectively, that would make unloading all of the information a bit easier on the reader. At the same time, it divides the ideas more clearly so nothing gets muddled. I know it’s all important, but as long as everything is still transitioned well, that should handle itself.

    I do adore a few other things, little things the narrator does (like speak parenthetically) that make us wonder about who (s)he is in relation to us, question reliability, things like that.

    I also really enjoy that this entry took on a stronger narrative feeling in comparison to the others (in the beginning, we are given the description of a scene as opposed to the description of events or context).

    Ignotus. It’s so cool to have our own guardian title/name thing within the internal workings of the story/multiverse.

    Okay, okay. I know I’m taking up a lot of space (but I enjoyed reading this), so I’ll say one last thing and leave the comments be. Footsteps of evil. I love it, it’s great and poetic, but I’m not sure it works. I can see how you might use the connotation as something to hint at this is Darkness left behind, but the context with which you use it is odd or awkward at best because footsteps of evil is not formatted as a place and you say “at the footsteps of evil.” A quick fix might be making it an actual place (capitalized proper noun “the Footsteps of Evil”). This would enrich the lore, validate plot connotation, and eliminate awkward/meaningless poetic gestures–giving the whole thing a bit more gravitas.

    I do plan on seeing what you do with this. I like it.

    Like

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