Yesterday I turned 19-years-old, really not that old, but still older than I’ve ever been before. Every year I face this sense of melancholy after being shocked at how close adulthood is approaching – it’s practically here now. It isn’t until a couple years later, through the ability of hindsight, that I come to realize how young I really was. When I turned 14, and I didn’t think that was really young until I was 17, and now that I’m 19, 17 seems really young as well. Maybe it’s my anxiety that results in me constantly worrying about how I will be ‘later’ and how I was ‘then’ rather than focusing on how I am ‘now’.
This time around my biggest fear about the days after September 2nd, 2017 is my ability to immerse in my favorite form of escapism, movies. At a young age, heroes like Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, and even freaking Naruto – who were all older than me – lost me in their fictitious worlds, encouraged me to be kind-hearted, a hero, and most of all never give up. I couldn’t help be feel like my imagination and connection with fiction would weaken as I grow older, and it freaking scared the hell out of me. Stories and movies are my everything and I feel like, somehow, I’ll let go of them over time.
But today I say FUCK THAT! I’ll only be 19-years-old 364 times until I fully depart being a teenageer and then it’s off to the twenties. So this year, officially, I’m done with going through this feeling of pensive sadness and just learning to just live in the now and appreciate the blessing that is life. There is no reason to fear getting older. My imagination, as long as I live, will never fade away. And movies will always be movies. Happy belated to me!
What’s on your mind?