Any stranger to 4therace should know that I am a lover of films. I hope to complete a minor in film at my school and continue film studies into graduate school. My dream is to become a film critic and possibly a screenwriter one day. 4therace is extremely special to me because I not only get to connect with so many awesome readers but also get to the chance to strengthen my film review and analysis skills outside the classroom. I’m aware that I struggle to keep up blogging throughout the semester but I really want to push myself in 2018. Life is going to get busier for me but it never should be too hard for me to practice what I love doing. So I’ve made a promise with myself to write about every movie I watch this year and post my words here on 4therace. I’m already three movies behind but at least it means I have some content to talk about! I’ve got a review for last year’s Ingrid Goes West and Spike Lee’s She’s Gotta Have It on the way so do stick around!
On December 17th, 2015 I received my first admission decision from a university I vividly pictured myself living and learning in. They didn’t want me. Rejection hurts bad as a seventeen year old and still does two years later at the age of nineteen. Admittedly, I sobbed a little that night scared that I wouldn’t be anywhere in the Fall of 2016. A day later I saw the highly anticipated Force Awakens with around 15 people. For about 2 hours my anxieties and worries of the real world disappeared. I left the theater elated but still scared of the future. Later on I applied to several other schools and hoped for the best. That frightened 12th grader to the left is me.
Having social anxiety can hinder your ability to interact in casual conversation and can make it difficult to even interact with those who you may consider close to you. Do you tell the latter that despite being the few people you feel comfortable around they still make you anxious or do you forever keep to yourself?
Wow! 577 Views. First off I would like to deeply thank every single person who took time out of their day to read the ramblings of an 18-year-old nerd. A lot of readers here on 4therace leave extremely enthusiastic and positive comments that build my confidence as both a person and aspiring writer. All my viewers encourage me to keep writing and, even if it may be implicitly, follow my dreams so I am deeply thankful to each and every one of you.
On top of this, I had a record setting month for visitors (385), likes (139), and comments (36)! These analytics aren’t jaw dropping but do show that that my audience is progressively increasing. I wish to be a long-term blogger, and perhaps even make this an occupation one day.
As of now, however, I’d just like to thank, once again, all those who took time read, like, comment and follow my blog!
Have a blessed week everyone!
I hate you. A “Hello” is a “Hello”. Nothing more. Nothing less. But to you it has an underlying meaning. A meaning that you will not desist from unraveling until you have driven me to the point of insanity.
The world does not revolve around you but for some reason you believe that everyone is always watching. No one is, but you assure me that they are. Always. I feel their nonexistent glances everywhere I go.
Anxiety, because of you I cannot breathe. When I should feel safe, I instead feel the world crumbling down on top of me. I stay still but my heart races as if I just ran a mile. I might have friends but you think they all hate me. And if you think so, I think so. I loved myself but you told me I wasn’t worth anything. You hate me? Well, I hate you too.
People are everywhere but you won’t let me talk to them. The hardest part is that no one knows that I have to climb a mountain just to speak. Sometimes I summit, but you aren’t that generous. You start to control my body. I become the puppet and you the puppeteer. I’m awkward enough but you have to let the world know don’t you? Do they see me? Do they notice? Do they hate me. Am I… and your vicious cycle continues.
Anxiety, you’re there almost all the time. Almost all the time. So when you loosen your grasp for that one instant and give me just a little air, life is wonderful. I feel love, and joy, and happy. Because of the lows I feel with you I humbly recognize all the beauty in life.
Anxiety, you destroy me, you eat me alive, you tear me apart but I must say you are a blessing not a burden. You teach me that life is often filled with pain and sadness so that I can hold on to the few, yet precious moments.
Anxiety, I used to hate you but now I love you. I wished you were gone but I want you to stay now. In the most awful way, you managed to teach me that life is a gift.
The Anxious Host
This post was heavily inspired by the rapper Logic’s song Anziety where he delivers a speech that ensures a hopeful future to fans/listeners who suffer of the disorder.
If you suffer from an Anxiety, know that you are not alone…
If I had talked to the one guy on the sitting on the sidewalk today, could I have made him happier? If I gave that one lady a smile on the subway, could I make her more confident? If I held that door for her, would she feel like she mattered?
Nearly a week has passed since U.S. law enforcement officers wrongfully killed the innocent Philando Castile and Alton Sterling. Barely half a week has passed since the Dallas sniper attack which resulted in the deaths of 5 police officers. Similar to all times of political conflict, the masses have been separated into the conservatives, those who do not wish to share their internal emotions with others, the activists, those who will typically march and peacefully protest their opinions, and the extremists, who are evidently the men who intentionally murdered white police officers.
You are placed in a dark room with a complete stranger. You can’t see them, they can’t see you. In the darkness you begin to engage in conversation with he/she. They share the same interests, listen to the music you love, watched your favorite films, ; you absolutely love them. You are elated, entranced. Late nights staying up thinking whether you’ll find that one person on this planet who actually understands you have paid off, you have found them. They have possibly found you.
Color embraces you. It wakes you up and keeps you present.