What Anxiety Feels Like For Me [My Worst Attack]

If you read my previous post you’ve learned that I’m starting to open up more on the story of my anxiety here on 4therace. This is my first time opening up about it, so I hope I increasingly grow better at expressing myself over time. Perhaps I didn’t explain the history of my anxieties too well, or it isn’t clear how exactly I feel when I’m anxious.

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The Story of My Anxiety

In all honesty, 4therace was never going to include posts on films and television. Nor was it going to be riddled of short essays, stories, or the occasional screenplay excerpt. Originally 4therace was made to discuss two obstacles I have had to deal with in my life, the first is living in a single parent home and the second is my anxiety. I wanted to build a community of individuals who have endured the same struggles hoping that my blog could help them. Not only did I want to help others, but I thought that by writing and expressing my social situation to the world I could help myself. Unfortunately, when 4therace was officially completed I “chickened out” and grew increasingly scared about how people would receive my story.  I questioned if people would undermine my struggle or tell me it was blown way out of proportion. Fear stricken, I decided to scratch the personal side of my blog and write whatever was on my head at the time (I spawned The Pessimist’s Optimistic Way to Obtain World Peace). But this blog is called 4therace and I want to connect with all people of different colours, creeds and backgrounds. Humbly, I can say I’ve done quite well thus far but there is still room to expand and connect to more social groups. I think it’s time to come out of my shell, and finally write about what I originally intended to do in the summer of 2015. My anxiety.

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Fictitious Future Fridays #3

If you haven’t already, feel fread to read the Fictitious Future Fridays #2 in order to participate in this week’s……

Now that you’ve chosen whatever location that magic spark has taken you and you’ve selected your tour guide, it’s time to face a crossroad in your journey. Whether you want to explore the galaxy with Han and Chewie, I’m looking at you Michael J. Miller, or you  simply want to visit a snowy park at nighttime, like me, your journey is now asking you to make a decision. A sign which writes “road to success” directs you to turn right. Another sign which writes “don’t go right” directs you left. The navigator, your trusted person you chose to explore your world with you, urges you to go right. Which direction do you go?

My answer: Given that my navigator is my late grandmother, my gut would tell me to listen to her and go right. But given the ambiguity of the sign going left that literally tells me “don’t go right”, I’d want to go left. Why shouldn’t I go right? It promises me success so what can go wrong? What’s there? On the other hand, the leftwards sign tells me don’t go right but doesn’t promise me anything if I choose to go left!!!!! The paradox …..

Please feel free to leave your response below…..

Fictitious Future Fridays #2

If you haven’t already, feel free to read the last Fictitious Future Friday in order to participate in this week’s

The magic pink spark has taken you to the place you wished for last week. Not only does it have the ability to transport you across reality, space, and time but it also can tap into your conscious. In order to explore wherever it has taken you, the spark has selected someone that you know/knew to be your guide in this journey. Who is this person? Why do you think you have selected them.

My answer: I think it would be my late grandmother. I have slept with one of her bed sheets almost everyday since her passing (it’s been 7 years) and her spirit is somewhat a form of protection. She would be the perfect person to guide me in this journey….

Feel free to leave your response in the comments below…..

 

 

Fictitous Future Fridays

A spark of light falls from the sky and lands in some grounds near you. It turns out to be a glowing magic rock that has the ability to transport you across reality, space and time. You reach down and grab it. Where does it take you? Why have you chosen this place?

My answer: The spark takes me to a snowy park at nighttime. I think I have chosen this place as I’ve recently played in the snow without seeing it for years and realized how much I loved it. As for why in a park, it’s the perfect place to have fun in the snow.

Feel free to leave your response in the comments below…..

 

Embrace Yourself, Love Yourself [My Reaction to the 2016 Election]

As an 18 year old Black American man, I feel nothing but utter fear that Donald Trump will be the next Commander in Chief of the UNITED States of America. Knowing that a blatant xenophobic, misogynistic, bigot is leading a nation where nearly 60 million think his character is acceptable terrifies me (in my opinion if you voted for Trump you voted for division and segregation, no argument). But instead of thinking flight, which I thought earlier last night, I’m now thinking fight (with my voice of course). My fleeing will only result in the nation continuing to operate in this unacceptable backwards thinking. As a young, open-minded, colored man who stands with all minorities and marginalized people in America, I believe it’s my social responsibility, a civic duty of mine to continue to exercise my freedom of speech and fight for what I believe in.

Currently, I feel as if I am in a nation that does not accept who I am (and I’m fairly certain most people reading this are feeling like this as well). But instead of being scared to show who or what you are to the face of society, embrace it. Love yourself. Love all those around you regardless of their race, nationality, sexual orientation, age, gender or political ideologies. If we can continue to do this I promise you that one day this nation will officially one day be UNITED.

Embrace Yourself, Love Yourself 

I do this 4therace……..

 

Vivre sa Vie (1962) -Staring Into the Souls of Our Characters

Having already watched two Jean-Luc Godard films, Au Bout de Souffle et Pierrot le Fou, I already knew that Vivre sa Vie was going to be special. No Google search or Hulu synopsis can clearly represent the story of the film or capture its tone (this probably won’t either).

The very first frame of Vivre sa Vie is engulfed by our protagonist Nana, wonderfully played by Anna Karina, showing a side profile of her face automatically included with a gloomy score. The music begins to fade, and we gaze at her profile for what seems like decades. Now the camera shifts showing us the front of Nana’s face and the music returns. She gazes ahead past the camera, past whatever may be in front of her and breaks right through the barrier which separates film and reality and looks right at us, the audience. The camera shifts once more, continuing to show us Nana’s face similar to how it’d appear as a mug shot, and the screen cuts to black. It’s a Godard film so I expected a connection between film and film watcher, but having this happen in the opening sequences revealed that Vivre sa Vie was going to be a much more personal experience than Au Bout de Souffle et Pierrot Le Fou were, and indeed it was.

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1 Year Anniversary on WordPress!

Exactly 1 year ago I joined WordPress and embarked on my mission to share my deepest thoughts with the world, or at least the finite amount of people of WordPress. Featuring pieces on racism, frequent analysis of film and television, some reviews on novels and couple of short stories, I am so proud of how diverse this blog has truly become.

I thank all my followers for continuously inspiring me to write, tells stories and share a piece of myself on 4therace.

My Short Story [Excerpt from a Screenplay]

This story is excerpt of an untitled screenplay I have been thinking about for a while. It tells the story of a girl, Nina, who is about to get married to her fiance of about 2 years. Her fiance doesn’t spend too much time with her though as he is huge part of the family business which involves him working overseas with his father. Nina questions their relationship after he misses her birthday. She then spends the next day entirely with her long time friend Elt. This excerpt takes place at the conclusion of what was a day of fun that the two have spent with each other. Feel free to read it in Microsoft Word format or in PDF.

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

The Greatest Person in The World Sat Next To You

If I had talked to the one guy on the sitting on the sidewalk today, could I have made him happier? If I gave that one lady a smile on the subway, could I make her more confident? If I held that door for her, would she feel like she mattered?

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